Modern Codependency

Codependency is much more than simply about addiction. Codependency can not be reduced to ‘control’ or ‘enabling’ behaviors. There is also nothing wrong with being codependent, as we all learn codependent tendencies when we are very young, as a result of early emotional needs not being fully and consistently met by our Caregivers.

Modern Codependency© is the focus outside of ourselves on other people, places, or things, typically as a means to seek and receive validation or affirmation, when we do not know how to focus on ourselves and validate and affirm ourselves in a healthy and interdependent manner, (Caudle, 2022).

All of us experience some kind of early emotional needs not being fully met around care, comfort, safety, nurturing, and/or affection, and when this universal experience happens, it creates a survival response in us to try to get others to meet our needs. This is very normal, because when we are young, we must rely on others to meet our needs. The potential issue happens when we are not guided and taught how to meet our own needs healthily, and our survival skills also continue to grow, this can create issues for us in our relationships. This is when codependency can become a problem, because we abandon ourselves while we are focused outside of ourselves, seeking and expecting others to meet our needs. This is an attachment habit that is learned and reinforced over time. This habit can also be identified, unlearned, healed, and learned in a new and helpful manner.

There is no shame or stigma around codependency. This is a universal experience with varying thoughts, behaviors, and tendencies. The healing work of codependency is empowering and foundational to moving through our attachment wounding and fully showing up in our lives and relationships today. The growth of learning to meet our own needs, so we can be whole on our own, and at the same time be in relationship with others is a brave process that leads us into healthy interdependence in our relationships.